Monday, November 30, 2009

Ginkgo Fruit

So I smelled some ginkgo fruit over the weekend in Philadelphia. And you know what? It smells like dog shit! I don't know if I've come across the fruit before (even though there are lots of ginkgo trees here), but if I did, I probably thought I stepped in something. But over the weekend, my old roommate pointed out that we were walking around ginkgo fruits and that they smelled like shit. So I picked some up and smelled them. Fascinating. Dog shit. Not cat piss. Not horse shit (that smells like Central Park South). But dog shit. Which really isn't all that offensive. I prefer it to cat piss. I wondered if anyone made an extract of it for odor use. Because you've got civet, castoreum, indole, skatole, etc..... You'd think ginkgo fruit would work in that list. I wonder if the yield is low or if it's hard to extract. More likely, it's just easier to synthesize the odor.

So there you have it: ginkgo fruit smells just like dog shit.

Myne Dorkitude, Listed.

This is how dorky I am. Below is what I want for Christmas. Aromachemicals. Because I don't know no one who would buy me that expensive book in the previous post, and I can't think of anything else I'm particularly interested in.

1. Coumarin (crystalline powder)

2. Hexenol-3-Cis - 8ml bottle

3. Iso E Super - 8ml bottle

4. Ethyl vanillin - 8ml bottle

5. Cosmone - 8ml vial

6. Methyl Laitone 10% in DPG (G) - 8ml bottle

7. Auratouch - 8ml bottle

8. Galaxolide 50% (IPM) - 8ml bottle

9. Ethyl Maltol - 2.5 ml vial

10. Hydroxycitronellal - 8ml bottle

11. Indole - 10% in IPM - 2.5ml vial

12. Dihydromyrcenol - 2.5ml vial

13. Delta Damascone - 2.5ml vial

14. Berryflor (G) - 8ml bottle

15. Benzyl Salicylate - 8ml bottle

16. Vanillin - 8ml bottle

17. Musk R1 - 2.5ml

18. Methyl Diantilis (G) - 8ml bottle

19. Allyl Amyl Glycolate - 8ml bottle

20. Exaltolide 50% (IPM) - 2.5ml vial

21. Ethylene Brassylate - 8ml bottle

22. Stemone (G) - 8ml bottle

23. Damascenone 10% - 2.5ml vial

24. Helional - 2.5ml vial

25. Spirogalbanone - 2.5ml vial

26. Isobutavan - 8ml bottle

27. Musk ketone - 2.5ml vial

28. Musk Xylol (Musk Xylene) - 2.5ml vial

29. Acetoin (S) - 8ml bottle

30. Dihydro Eugenol - 2.5ml vial

31. Citral - 2.5ml vial

32. Anisyl acetate - 8ml bottle

33. Bicyclononalactone - 8ml bottle

34. Butyl Butyro Lactate - 2.5ml

35. Dimethyl Pyrazine 2,3 - 8ml bottle

36. Cedryl Aceetate - 8ml bottle

37. Grisalva - 2.5ml vial

38. Velvione - 8ml bottle

39. Guaiacol - 2.5ml

40. Costausol (PFW) - 2.5ml vial

41. Ebanol (G) - 8ml bottle

42. Givescone (G) - 8ml bottle

43. Cyclal C ( Triplal ) 2.5ml vial

44. Labienoxime 1% - 2.5ml vial

45. Dimethyl Benzyl Carbinyl Butyrate - 8ml bottle

46. Dimethyl Sulfide at 1% (Sig) - 2.5ml

47. Lactoscaton - 2.5ml vial

48. Okoumal (G) - 2.5ml vial

49. Diola (I) - 2.5ml vial

50. Ethyl Cinnamate - 8ml bottle

51. Ethyl Butyrate - 2.5ml vial

52. Hedione (methyl dihydrojasmonate) - 2.5ml vial

53. Homofuronol 20% - 2.5ml

54. Javanol - 2.5ml vial

55. Kephalis - 2.5ml vial

56. Lyral - Leerall - 2.5ml vial

57. Melonal (G) - 2.5ml vial

58. Methyl Anthranilate - 2.5ml vial

59. Methyl cedryl ketone - 2.5ml vial

60. Nectaryl - 2.5ml vial

61. Phenylacetic acid replacer 50% - 2.5ml vial

62. Pyralone 2.5ml vial

63. Verymoss - Evernyl - 2ml vial

64. Vetiveryl acetate - 2ml vial

I can get The Secret for $10, but this one is 10 times that. What a world!

Who can tell me where to get this for a good price? It's obscenely expensive everywhere I look! If anyone has a copy laying around that you don't want, or if you know a place where I can get it for under $100, drop me a line. Or wave at me: edshepp [at] googlewave.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

An Open Letter to V and Madonna

This is an open letter to V and Madonna. There's no easy way to say this (because I'm actually quite stupid), so I'll just be as plain and waldervacknerian as puquistibly turrilicious.

V: Yes, you, V. The show. The remake from of the iconic miniseries-cum-canceled-series from myne youth. When I heard they ("they" being "those Hollywood types" or something to den där effect) were remaking you, I was joyous. Then crestfallen. Then irritable. Then flatulent. Then hungry. Then drinky. Then sleepy. Then bored. Then smelly. And only the joyous part had anything to do with you! But then I thought more about you, and it occurred to me: I need to be working on that show! Then, a few minutes later, a fatter truth belly-bumped me: I had it backwards! YOU need ME to work on you! Now, I won't go into how I adored the show as a middle-schooler, and how I ran around pretending to be John (but really pretending to be Diana), and how I quoted it for years and how I even had the COMIC BOOK and read the paperback book The Florida Project. And I won't go into my "qualifications," because, as multiple comments on my resume have apparently proven, "irrepressible genius" isn't a very precise descriptor. At any rate, for my sonic abilities, you can check out my show on WFMU, The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment, or have a listen to my audio stuff, or just check out A Very Ed Shepp Christmas. For my visual abilities, just check out my facebook photos. They look good, don't they? I'm actually 57 years old. For my acting abilities (although I think I'd rather be behind the camera), just check out any Madonna movie. I guarantee you my acting couldn't be as bad as hers. (I love you, Madonna, but it's true. You stink up the screen like an open jar of skatole.) (Yeah, I'm into perfume chemicals. So let's do a V-inspired scent opera, why not then?!? Think it over.)

So I'm not going to try and convince you that you need me, even though that would seem to be the piont of this open letter. I'm just throwing this opportunity out at you like pieces of expensive pastry to a gaggle of expensive ducks, bred for their smooth bronzey beaks. So look me over, dammit! You want a resume? Well, I want an island in the Caribbean, but I'm not getting that. Help yourself to some belligerence, however. That's free. BUT--if you want just a brief overview of myne history and all that crap, have a listen to the piece I did to put in my next letter, the one to the King of Sweden:

About Ed Shepp

Well that's the squizz. It's all on you now, V. Don't disappoint! And now onto you, Madonna.

See here's the thing, see. A friend of mine, number 081993, was squawking one day about how Mariah Carey was coming out with her third perfume, and Hilary Duff with her second, or whatever the numbers are, and Celine has one and gobble gobble gobble nibble nibble... And then he wondered aloud why you haven't yet come out with a perfume, and it got me thinking. I assumed that you were planning to come out with one eventually, but were waiting for the right perfumer to work with. So I thought, "I should write an open letter to Madonna and introduce her to Calice Becker, my close-personal-friend-in-that-fictional-character kinda way. Or maybe whoever did Tom Ford's stuff. Because his perfumes are bombastic, and I think that would work for Madonna. After all, she supposedly likes Youth Dew and Fracas, two bold fragrances. Now do I want to go to Taco Bell again or take a bath?" But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I should simply suggest myself as the perfumer. Do I have experience? UGH! What IS it with this "experience" thing with you people?!?!?! I've blended Christmas scents at home and managed to stink up the whole house a couple times (sotolon's one HELL of a molecule, yo)--that counts, right? Yes. But more important than experience, I have PASSION. And BOREDOM. So I have, like, all day to daydream about your fragrance and frustrate the perfumers and compounders with my endless iterations. (See the links above for all the rest.) Choose me, and while I can't promise that it will be a blockbuster, I can promise that it will be something. And unforgettable. Isn't that all you need? Have your people contact my people. No, wait--I don't have people. Just contact me directly. KTHXBAI!

Well that's the gist. I'll be waiting to hear from both of you.

Ed Shepp